i have run so many ragged roads

without voice
like weeping with/

wounded
bloody
flowered
t/i/g/e/r/s
bone bare
&
honey suckled
but none so ragged
as the ragged day
the ragged day
i forgot your name

/// like mellotrons dancing in the sky \\\

this is a weird mix of nostalgia and mild (yet retching) embarrassment.

i recorded this album several years ago (with great help from my good friend sean mccracken). i almost cant remember why anymore. well, thats a lie, but thats for me.

anyway, i recorded this in a little over two weeks and is quite possibly the best summation of myself at any given time. it's definitely dated, simple, fumbled in places (most tracks were first takes... and recorded as i was figuring the songs out), and well before i ever found anything i could call my voice.

you definitely want to listen now, don't you? haha.

it's fun in places, though lingering in most. if you have headphones, i highly recommend lying back with them, and crank it if you can take it.

THE CAMERAHEAD - eternal (2006)

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/564437/Eternal.zip

(if the link ends up not working for some reason or another, let me know and i'll get it to you somehow).

///

so this marks the end of one arbitrary measure of time and the beginning of another. i'm putting something together. a new thing. a new thing called knives at dusk... with an acoustic album called "owls"... we'll see. but sooner than you think.

ダンス、ダンス、ダンス

something is amiss.

rent by dogs and other wild things, scraped clean like a melon, i have never been consumed by so much self-doubt. i feel as though i'm before some passage, before some gate... and no part of me may pass thru. every turn i take, i do my head in. i am a man split from his ghost and losing his shadow. a lemon squeezed and grated.

my mind fades. it slips out like smoke thru clasped hands.

i am tired. so tired.

but i wont give up.

i will not give in.

as flaccid as these words fall, i can not release myself to this deafening self-pity, this tape on endless loop. i have to reconcile that i dont see, think, or feel the same way as anyone. i am laying this thread alone thru the serpentines. there is strength in me still. there is still some light. some ember not yet snuffed.

i can get thru this shit even if it's blind.

one foot in front of the other. one foot in front of the other.

Farming the Oceans, the Moon and Antarctica.

got a chance to catch modest mouse at the grove in anaheim on saturday. while it was a bit daunting to mix with the bros... at least i had a little sanity with me in the form of rebecca.

sirens.

audio quality is not superb, but it was quite stellar never the less.

this gentleman dancer was more than pleased to catch some tunes.

i did not initially agree, but probably the longest wait for an encore since the pumpkins in '96. cigarettes take time... cigarettes take time.

colours.

vanish/songbirds.

with a
dull thud
a patter
of heavy fingers

the click
click
clicking
of a spent cassette

i dream of
jungle cats
and
oysters

every parasite
in that
salty
musky

opal liquor

can
run from chin to toe
from palm
to crook
to elbow

i curse
the waking songbirds
pulling the red
from
reverberant
ashen skies
pulling the distance
unfurling the ghost sheets
that find your
fingers
drawing circles
in honey

and the songbirds
purl
with
quavering silver threads
that i will
vanish
vanish

v . a . n . i . s . h

pollen.

it spreads out
thin as
a cloud
of swooning monarchs
on the lip
on the hip
of
tall
afternoon grass
lazy with southern dew
a murder of white crows
gather
to nest
in my chest
empty as
morning
kitchen cupboards
dusty
with pollen
and other
wild things

winter/summer

flickr.

a haunted man.

i have made myself a haunted man. i find myself in double exposures. chasing magenta hearts and cyan coronets. i find myself a held breath held too long. a child clawing for the ceiling of a foreign sea - kissed - by deep antarctic monstros - just before the breach.

you
are the first breath
that swallows the sky
fervid
blind
a home
pregnant with sunlight
infinite

new!/new!/new!

ive been taking more pictures lately, and for once, theyre not with my iphone (although, i did just get a 3gs! booyah, macro focus!). i shot these with some canon dslr. i have no idea what the specs are, it's a camera from christian and sammys school... i just know it was slow as hell (between f3.2 and f5.6).

in other picture news, i turned in my very first ever roll of 120mm i shot with my holga (which i got for christmas) and i should be getting those back friday (ilford delta400).

if you want to see the rest of this night of bastardliness, clicky:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/jaimeryanheintz/

tired.

and
from up here
the clouds roll together
like
first time lovers
listening for
shallow breathed
heartbeats
in the moist stillness
between lips
against the
caw
of dawning birds