Wednesday, December 31, 2008

stuck. stuck. stuck.

im stuck at page 35. these scenes are the most important because they turn a very important corner. evan and sabrina must connect so completely. this is my thought process, or at least part of it. you might not care, but it might help me.

[2:48pm]
these scenes are dead. utterly fucking dead. they were probably never really alive. what's worse is that sabrina is coming off as a caricature. she cant do that. i cant do that.

[2:53pm]
cutting away anything that doesnt reek of truth. big red marks all over the page (yes, i use red pens... liberally).

[3:05pm]
i think i have an idea to lead this out of the valley of cliché. i just need to find an in.

[3:23pm]
passion is not enough.

[3:26pm]
evan and sabrina need to be pulled together with the city swirling around them. theyll have plenty of time to be pushed apart later.

[3:35pm]
feeling too restricted by the current scenes. going to delete and start over. at least from the farmers market thru the schlock montage to the apartment. gonna eat an apple first though. a pink lady. aint no fuji, but still nicely tart. they also have strange bums that remind me of pomegranates.

[3:54pm]
someone stuffed a pillow up thru my eyelids.

[4:04pm]
cant figure out how to start the scene that isnt completely tired and uninspired. need to let it percolate in the ole subconscious. i feel better now that everything else is gone now.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

f this s.

ive pretty much had enough of this. im done talking. im going to make this work. as soon as i get home (haha, conditions already), im going to hit the ground running and start getting my next two projects together.

project 1:
spec. commercial (possibly the VW one i had in mind... i'll have to detail my car and find a parking garage... and a new cast... and an HD video camera... and this is a long parenthetical)

project 2:
a music video that DOES NOT make me cringe every time i see it (good luck with that!)

oh, and finish everything else thats on my plate. HA.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

as phantoms are want

these fingers and toes
ive done them into
cracked glass ice lakes
water black as
mountains
before night
against a red/greying sky
asthmatic clouds
sewing big city lights
and
cosmic kites

once warm
before your
yawning neck
your
arcing back
a bridge
suspended by
spent breath
joining
cocked hips
to
climbing orphaned shoulders

a phantom
whispering
between sheets
/caution now/

/c/a/u/t/i/o/n/
/n/o/w/

Thursday, December 25, 2008

before im comatose


i want this like buddha wants nothing.

these days are killing me. slipping by, digging me in the ribs on the way thru to something else (presumably better), reminding me that im sitting idly by. i need to finish my film. i need to get work from this. i need to plan my next project. i have an idea for a vw commercial, but im a little worried that my car might be getting a bit old for such antics. anyone know anyone that can do a good german accent? or even just a funny one that would piss a couple germans off?

ive been watching a lot of music videos lately. i guess ive kind of forgotten how completely satisfying they can be. how freeing to make. no commitment to story or general logic really. just a little light, a little crooning. its stunning how many performance videos are so good.

(sorry if i make little to no sense at the moment, im still a bit on the tipsy side from the wine during christmas dinner (a nice local petite sirrah if you must know))

i used to hate performance videos so much. what the hell was i thinking? although, it was a little difficult to get access to an artist at 14... and even then, i knew getting some mid-pubescent twat to sing a smashing pumpkins song was a bit... much.

keep it simple, right? right?

so many videos either shake a bunch of ass in your face or feel compelled to provide some sort of twist ending to some irresponsible or dross rain-swept love story (am i really that fucking jaded?).

but, even after making an abysmal performance video (sorry, jeremy and jessica, it's all my bad. we should have gone for that extra day), i still feel that if you cant deliver a compelling video with an artist just performing their music, you really have no business doing anything. ever. go home.

an artist/singer is usually successful for some reason, and if you cant capture that - or worse, you stifle it or cock it up... anyway, who the fuck am i? how many mtv music video awards have i won?

i need some song ideas. anyone know any local bands?

think postive, right? and the light of the universe will shine on you... or some bullshit like that. haha.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

more rooms, no doors

random thoughts for today.

need to renew my passport. i have no plan (other than fantastical daydreams), but i feel the need to escape. the air must be getting thin. im craving france. im craving spain. im leaning toward london/japan. maybe just leave for a month and hit them all? reinvent the jet-setter. buy some hand tailored suits in italy... fuck it, maybe africa. find our real home. haha. somewhere where i need shots and full medical.

i need to fix my protools computer. i need to work on music. my brain feels like an overfilled water balloon longing for an untrimmed blade of grass. i hear nothing but fuzz and bleeps and bips and acoustic reverberations. i cant find the music i really want to listen to, so i guess i have to make it, fail miserably, and be sick of it by the end anyway. but i also need something like these (crosses fingers).

i want to read something new (even though i have several books started...). im still trudging thru the iliad and reading a book for a friend (shes adapting the screenplay and i think it would be a little difficult to offer useful notes unless i read the source material... i think. maybe not). i havent read a novel i cant put down in quite a while.

but most of all, i really want to be able to get thru all these small things so i can get back to writing. ideas are slowly moving for 'the self portrait of a pretentious bastard,' i still need to find an ending to 'marathon' that doesnt make me cringe, and something is brewing in my head for 'gaia.' i dont know what it is, but i feel bits working themselves out in my head. who knows, i might actually get a draft out of myself by summer? (woah, lets not push it there buddy).

i think i need to make this place more into an actual blog. i think i need an outlet. for some reason, it seems rational and expected to actually over-think things here... like why i want to type "over-thing" instead of "over-think" ... must be some muscle memory bullshit in my fingers fucking with me. stupid fingers, why cant you remember your own songs? i guess thats another story. ha.

ok, im done. im shutting you out now. happy winter solstice eve pagans :)

Friday, December 19, 2008

toes fingers nose

it's 4am and it's singing to the dark
it's 11pm and it's shiny waxy vinyl
it's 3am and it's mending thru fog
it's 1am and it's fingers spiraling thru hair
it's 11am and it's longing. already.
it's 2am and it's lost hands and it's closed eyes
it's 5am and it's dawn tumbling round its bend
it's 7pm and it's a smile, it's a laugh

it's not being able to say enough
it's worrying about saying too much


it's time stretching out like a bow to play two notes together
quiet
subtle
quaking
piercing
tremulous
hushed
and returning

the catch of a cresting breath

Sunday, December 14, 2008

2008 in a line (or less (or more))

this will likely be updated as i remember more... so chill.

radiohead at hollywood bowl - underwelming... until (edit) the gloaming.
m83 saturdays = youth - yes, they do indeed.
m83 at henry fonda - why couldnt we dance all night?
portishead 3 - perfect album, perfect timing.
why? alopecia - still feels like it was made for me.
titus andronicus / no age at the troubador - a storm of interesting events.
garth marenghi's darkplace - new to me and saved my life.
myspace - hello facebook.
christian's graduation/show - a big bright shining star.
audi r8 in person - thy name is lust.
rock & roll acid test - LA cast and crew = most glorious bastards ever.
dark knight returns - i MUST do an entire film in imax.
indy 4 - limp-wristed, at best.
rambo - hahahahaha. so much blood!
wall-e - i hate it when robots make me feel.
the happening - still want to see it and laugh my ass off.
hellboy ii - sorry chris, i was non-plussed.
tropic thunder - tom cruise almost undid it for me.
star wars: clone wars - could not be bothered.
academy awards (yes, i know its technically FOR '07) - paul thomas anderson was robbed.
playing live at the viper room - im soooo sorry.
playing live at the el rey - we'll be good next time, i promise.
betty i am - couldnt be more proud of jose.
election - obama not bad, still was hoping for mckinney.
proposition 8 - some things still amaze me.
the greatest love letter ever written - took way too long to get together.
sigg - everyone should have one, not just the hipsters.
love - putting one foot in front of another.
finishing moleskine sketchbook - next one will be even better, more worn out, awesome.
the orange box - i know im late to the party, but portal is the best game ever.
mlg national championship - str8 rippin FTW, next year walshy, next year!
summer olympics - glorious HD... MUST go to the 2012 games in London... end of story.
the curious case of benjamin button - can. not. wait.
new friends - from the strangest places.
finishing the photo-a-day project - SEE i can finish something.
food / cooking - pork-chop with radicchio and apple... god came in my mouth.
turning 28 - friends are meaning more than ever.

. . .

looking forward to in 2009:

finishing the greatest love letter ever written
spain
london
japan
film work
a studio
more cooking
finishing: the self portrait of a pretentious bastard/marathon
new music: whatever i can find/am given and the camerahead/and the holy roman empire
taking time

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

i still believe in choice (looking for corners and finding hope)

it thunders across the sky like large ships through the sand. it implodes in rooms and sizzles on wires. this is what fuzz and mellotrons are for. the whole measurement of here to there. marked bit by bit. recorded in catalogs and almanacs.

so we lift the fallen fruit. we take the tender ripened labor of another year. the sum of falling rain and drifting ash on a hill. on a hill sliding to the sea. does it call, does it shine, will it last the winter.

but,

and this is important.

there are rumblings, there are mumblings of;;; a slowly cresting silver dawn for crippled children and wounded sloping memories filled with golden apples in the glen. if there is the will and if there is the stay it,ll be pianos calling you softly, warmly from an early grave... to dance once more upon this earth we are bent to till again and again.