ダンス、ダンス、ダンス

something is amiss.

rent by dogs and other wild things, scraped clean like a melon, i have never been consumed by so much self-doubt. i feel as though i'm before some passage, before some gate... and no part of me may pass thru. every turn i take, i do my head in. i am a man split from his ghost and losing his shadow. a lemon squeezed and grated.

my mind fades. it slips out like smoke thru clasped hands.

i am tired. so tired.

but i wont give up.

i will not give in.

as flaccid as these words fall, i can not release myself to this deafening self-pity, this tape on endless loop. i have to reconcile that i dont see, think, or feel the same way as anyone. i am laying this thread alone thru the serpentines. there is strength in me still. there is still some light. some ember not yet snuffed.

i can get thru this shit even if it's blind.

one foot in front of the other. one foot in front of the other.

Farming the Oceans, the Moon and Antarctica.

got a chance to catch modest mouse at the grove in anaheim on saturday. while it was a bit daunting to mix with the bros... at least i had a little sanity with me in the form of rebecca.

sirens.

audio quality is not superb, but it was quite stellar never the less.

this gentleman dancer was more than pleased to catch some tunes.

i did not initially agree, but probably the longest wait for an encore since the pumpkins in '96. cigarettes take time... cigarettes take time.

colours.

vanish/songbirds.

with a
dull thud
a patter
of heavy fingers

the click
click
clicking
of a spent cassette

i dream of
jungle cats
and
oysters

every parasite
in that
salty
musky

opal liquor

can
run from chin to toe
from palm
to crook
to elbow

i curse
the waking songbirds
pulling the red
from
reverberant
ashen skies
pulling the distance
unfurling the ghost sheets
that find your
fingers
drawing circles
in honey

and the songbirds
purl
with
quavering silver threads
that i will
vanish
vanish

v . a . n . i . s . h

pollen.

it spreads out
thin as
a cloud
of swooning monarchs
on the lip
on the hip
of
tall
afternoon grass
lazy with southern dew
a murder of white crows
gather
to nest
in my chest
empty as
morning
kitchen cupboards
dusty
with pollen
and other
wild things

winter/summer

flickr.

a haunted man.

i have made myself a haunted man. i find myself in double exposures. chasing magenta hearts and cyan coronets. i find myself a held breath held too long. a child clawing for the ceiling of a foreign sea - kissed - by deep antarctic monstros - just before the breach.

you
are the first breath
that swallows the sky
fervid
blind
a home
pregnant with sunlight
infinite

new!/new!/new!

ive been taking more pictures lately, and for once, theyre not with my iphone (although, i did just get a 3gs! booyah, macro focus!). i shot these with some canon dslr. i have no idea what the specs are, it's a camera from christian and sammys school... i just know it was slow as hell (between f3.2 and f5.6).

in other picture news, i turned in my very first ever roll of 120mm i shot with my holga (which i got for christmas) and i should be getting those back friday (ilford delta400).

if you want to see the rest of this night of bastardliness, clicky:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/jaimeryanheintz/

tired.

and
from up here
the clouds roll together
like
first time lovers
listening for
shallow breathed
heartbeats
in the moist stillness
between lips
against the
caw
of dawning birds

june, already.

shoulders.

shoulders

/like/
photos of
foreign mountains

/like/
a pair of
spent bengal tigers

fantastical
dangerous
blades

BOOYAH.

it's been far, far too long since i last posted, but here's a few from some ramblings with the iphone. one day, i swear i'll get a proper camera... seriously.

bastard color study.

to topple the world!

the office beset with earthquake weather.

sneaking up on vampires.

hold your breath, they bite.

underwater lighting.

pre-honda-ya excitement.

bastard below bastard.

unsettling at the very least.

theyre huge in japan... or they will be.

how do you choose when it's all delicious?

obviously thinking about the croquettes.

no pinkie, no class, sorry bastard.

where. is. the. food.

purposely made this dark enough to CRUSH the D-on-D.

he knew it was coming.

and tried to act betrayed... though his heart desired no other thing.

bastard on bastard.

the glass will surely kill us... if it gets the second chance...

needed this more than i realised.

just a fever/i'll shake it off/i'm sure.

but,
how many coincidences do you get before it's considered kismet?

stormy skies/slick soles

i havent been writing many words these days... probably because ive been trying to tear myself away from the screen every chance i get. some of this is around the office, some of this is in laguna for sammys birthday, and some of this... is about shoes (im sure ill work my way up to full fledged fashion soon).

/ / /

rainy day ramen.

christian and i thought it would be a good idea to grab some ramen on this beautiful rainy day. he called sammy and i drove down. good call indeed.

/ / /












in "other" news, i finished a draft of the self portrait of a pretentious bastard last night. i dont know how good it is... or if it even is at all. it's drawing close to that point where i just have to walk away and call it what it is... a first script. but even im burdened with some level of standards. it is a weight off of my shoulders at the very least... until i get back to work on something else that is. but, at least if anyone asks if i have anything, i dont think id be too embarrassed to pass it along.

back to a lazy weekend.

my ears are hot. whatever youre talking about, please stop, this is annoying.