///FIRST FEATURE 7.13.10

i found my way to the end of the script today. barely shy of 60 pages. even though i know this will dramatically expand on screen (judging from previous projects) i can't help but feel uneasy about this. why couldnt it be more like 70?

fucking numbers.

but i know that's going to change anyway.

i just needed to get from point A (that i love) to point B (that i now love)... everything in between is bound to breathe. i already know a couple spots i need to do more work.

one thing i am proud of... it seems like the main character has completely changed from the opening to the ending.

it's tough to try and look back at the whole thing as you work in increments, you can only see as far as a couple scenes back. you forget every other turn. other beats. all that stuff back over the horizon.

editing time. time for the REAL writing to begin.

///FIRST FEATURE 7.11.10

i am going to write a play after this.

page after page after page with lines and lines and lines of action with no dialogue is... exhausting.

a play would be nice. crackling repartee. meandering profound soliloquies. ahhh.

i'm dreaming.

page 50.

should make it to 60 no problem... should. once i wake her back up, he should have someone to talk to... if she's in the talking mood.

///FIRST FEATURE 7.5.10

45.

45 for now. i might dive back in. get him out the window.

this is definitely about a knife.

i find that i write shit unless i sit upright in my chair. i guess what's the point if even i don't care about what i'm doing?

i think i had a breakthru today... we'll see. i needed another location. it was feeling all too claustrophobic. holding one note from halfway thru until the end. i think i've added another layer. we'll see.

i still feel like i'm running thru, just laying down the spine. i'm not sure i care for the specifics of what i'm putting down. i know i can and will change it, i just hope it doesn't fuck my head in at the moment. gotta remind myself that ALL first drafts are shit. no matter what anyone says... it ALWAYS sucks on the first go. if someone says otherwise... they're hiding the first draft somewhere.

45. i feel like i should be at 50.

///FIRST FEATURE 7.4.10

scuttle, muttle, ruttle.

if i push thru any more for the night, im sure to have to go back and right all the wrongs. undo the stitching and relay the foundation.

i went back to the beginning and inserted a knife. a good-luck charm.

lucky me... page 42.

if i go by my last page to minute ratio (5.5 pages to 11 minutes of screen time)... i only need 3 more pages. yeah... i got another 20-30 to go... at LEAST.

i hope i still like this when im done.

i just have to find the right music. i feel like i havent. and it's throwing everything off the rails.

42 pages in.

'night.

///FIRST FEATURE 6.27.10

page 38.

i don't know what's wrong. granted, it's only been a couple days like this... but i can't seem to find a spark. nothing is going down with ease. i'm fighting for every word. i feel like i like the new changes in the outline... yet i feel like i'm undoing them as i go along.

i have a couple days off where i won't be able to work on it at all. maybe it just needs time to breathe.

maybe i need time to breathe.

He kicks him again and again and again.

WOMAN (CONT’D)
You’re going to spoil him.

The Man stops.

i stop. i just wish the ants would too.

///FIRST FEATURE 6.24.10

34 pages in.

i may have written 4 pages tonight, but i just could not find a rhythm. i may have gotten thru a couple of beats, but none of it really feels like it's clicking, like it's singing. i just feel... off. but i'm pushing on. i just need to hit certain things and follow it thru. it's all going to change in editing. it always does.

it.
always.
does.

how 'bout that free write iii?

horrid.

ha. i knew some would be terrible... time to step on.

you can't dwell on failure. it will only make you cautious.

///FIRST FEATURE 6.21.10

29 pages in.

i've written another four tonight on my march toward 70, 80, 90? somewhere in there. i'm not all too concerned with the page count as much as getting something i can stand behind. something i can put in front of a lens and say... HERE I BEGIN. at the same time, i'm trying not to wrap up too much in the "importance" of the effort. i'm trying to allow the script to breathe and be what it needs to be. BUT, i am trying to keep a clear mind and not hold anything back. no compromise. not here. not with this one. i know there will be constraints, but i mean no compromise particularly with the characters. they must do and say EVERYTHING to get what they want and need. i don't know that i've held back in the past, but i'm trying to make sure that even at this early stage, i'm pushing everything to its most logical (to me) and dramatic (traumatic) conclusion.

LOTS OF BLOOD will help too, obviously.

i'm not sure what this (this blog) will be anymore. maybe just a place to decompress after a couple pages. think about thinking. keep my brain processing. meta meta meat shit.

a quick note on process this time out: i've decided to go with a VERY loose outline that i've been keeping in my molsekine. and by that, i mean it's a long string of single words and short phrases. i'm slowly discovering that while i need the overall structure, the spine set in - scene to scene and IN the scene i need to keep it very loose until i actually lay it down on the page. otherwise, i feel stale and trapped before i even hit a key. process of process.

tonight's outline was:

IS THIS WHO YOU ARE?
CLEANED UP
TIME FOR A DRINK
WHY WOULD YOU GO THRU ALL THAT?
LEVEL WITH ME
THERE WAS SOME BLOOD
THIS IS A STRONG DRINK
CLOTHES
WHAT WERE YOU LOOKING FOR?
OUT