more rooms, no doors

random thoughts for today.

need to renew my passport. i have no plan (other than fantastical daydreams), but i feel the need to escape. the air must be getting thin. im craving france. im craving spain. im leaning toward london/japan. maybe just leave for a month and hit them all? reinvent the jet-setter. buy some hand tailored suits in italy... fuck it, maybe africa. find our real home. haha. somewhere where i need shots and full medical.

i need to fix my protools computer. i need to work on music. my brain feels like an overfilled water balloon longing for an untrimmed blade of grass. i hear nothing but fuzz and bleeps and bips and acoustic reverberations. i cant find the music i really want to listen to, so i guess i have to make it, fail miserably, and be sick of it by the end anyway. but i also need something like these (crosses fingers).

i want to read something new (even though i have several books started...). im still trudging thru the iliad and reading a book for a friend (shes adapting the screenplay and i think it would be a little difficult to offer useful notes unless i read the source material... i think. maybe not). i havent read a novel i cant put down in quite a while.

but most of all, i really want to be able to get thru all these small things so i can get back to writing. ideas are slowly moving for 'the self portrait of a pretentious bastard,' i still need to find an ending to 'marathon' that doesnt make me cringe, and something is brewing in my head for 'gaia.' i dont know what it is, but i feel bits working themselves out in my head. who knows, i might actually get a draft out of myself by summer? (woah, lets not push it there buddy).

i think i need to make this place more into an actual blog. i think i need an outlet. for some reason, it seems rational and expected to actually over-think things here... like why i want to type "over-thing" instead of "over-think" ... must be some muscle memory bullshit in my fingers fucking with me. stupid fingers, why cant you remember your own songs? i guess thats another story. ha.

ok, im done. im shutting you out now. happy winter solstice eve pagans :)